A rainy day entry.

Man, rainy days can be touch and go. It's nice sometimes to be forced into the house and just be lazy, but I didn't get that luxury because I had doctor's appointments today, oh well.

So I've acquired a new vehicle :) it's a 1990 Buck LeSabre, with 209,000 miles and it is a god damn beast! It's going to be my winter get-around, nothing better than a big-ass car with great tires that floats over the snowbanks. Here's what I plan to do to it so far:

-Rhino liner on the lower edges of the car to prevent more corrosion
-Flat Black paint
-Nighshade tail lights
-Repaint the steel wheels black
-Eyebrows on the front headlights
-4 rally-style round foglights on the front
-DDM Apexcone 6000K HID kit
-Short ram intake (done already)
-2 1/4 exhaust to a y-pipe and dual pipes
-Give the interior a good cleaning

A lot of money, you might say, but to drive the Prelude during the winter:

-I'd have to wash it frequently to prevent more rust
-I'd have to get 4 new tires, low pros aren't cheap (around 550 installed)
-I'd drive like a fucking grandma because i'd be afraid of getting hit

Buick - Free, needs tabs and title transferred, and insurance ($70-80 for tabs and title, $45 a month insurance)
Honda- Needs tires ($550), $41 a month insurance

I'll take the Buick for the winter, thank you :)

HYPOCRITES!

Rant.

Through the years, i've held onto and let go of many people in my life. All will remain a part of me always, against my will. We all do this, we all learn from everyone we meet in our life, and we don't always learn something from them, sometimes we just learn about them.

I've gone down this path a few times with a few people. I have learned (about them) that their actions do not reflect what they claim to be. It took me a while in some cases but in the end, their true colors had shown through, whether they wanted them to or not.

And you know what? It sucks. It sucks to think that someone you once knew, got along with, would give the shirt off your back, have now become an acquaintance, if even that. I don't blame myself at all for this situation that applies to me and someone I know. The person in question was all about positivity, but a lot of what I absorbed from them was negativity. "Fuck this, fuck that, I hate this place, etc etc". I know people who claim to be positive, and they never act the way this character did. The individual seemed to pawn all of their unhappiness or problems on others, never taking responsibility FOR themselves.

It's funny how once this person got out of the place they hated so much, they forgot about what made it not such a bad place, the friendship(s) of a few good people, we get put on the back burner, and you wonder why i'm such a dick, well here's your answer. You've changed. You're self absorbed, nothing like what we used to know, and I am definitely not the only one who thinks so . You contradict yourself with your actions and I firmly believe you do what you do
just because you think it's cool or trendy, not because you truly want to. As far as i'm concerned, you no longer exist to me. Call me an asshole, tell me i'm wrong, I don't care, you lost my respect.

Enough about that bullshit, it's got me in a bad enough mood as is. I'm doing more thinking lately about where I want to go in life and what I want to do...


... and when I figure it out, i'll write about it :)

Lata.

Right here, right now, i'll stand my ground and never back down...

That title comes from a song I just heard today for the first time, called Awake and Alive by Skillet. It's weird, they definitely don't come off as a Christian band in that song and I love the song, it's been stuck in my head all day and is repeating itself in my headphone as I am typing this.

Ah, the simple joys of sound waves reverberating through your ear canals :)

It's shaping up to be a pretty swell week so far. This weekend, I helped Jessica's mom move from her old house in Rochester to her new place in Stewartville. It was actually fun, got to spend the day with people I enjoy, got to drive a big U-Haul truck (yet again reinforcing my idea that I really can drive just about anything), and at the end of all the hard work I was paid for it. Not the most important part to me by any means but it is so rewarding to know that people value your help when the need it most.

I love feeling that I have helped someone in any significant way. Problem solving is probably my strongest characteristic. I'm a shoulder to lean on, i'm ears to listen, and i'm a friend to help :)

I can't wait for Tomorrow, I decided I am treating Jessica and taking her to her favorite place, it is in Pepin, Wisconsin and it is called the Pickle Factory, i've never been there before but I am all for finding new places and getaway spots, excited :)

Life rocks, just sayin' :)

Until next time... :)

New blogs coming your way soon.

I've kinda been tossing around the idea of starting a few new blogs. These would be blogs revolving around certain topics, and they would be about topics I eat, breathe and sleep.

Cars, and Diabetes.

The Automotive blog will be coming at your way very soon (meaning right after this entry is completed), and the Diabetes blog at a later date yet to be determined.

My head is bursting at the seams with knowledge, and I feel the need to let it out through my fingertips.

Keep checkin' in ;)

-Ryan

A peice about relationsips, and whatever the hell else I want.

It's been a while, I shall say. Life has kept me pretty occupied so I haven't written in a while, my apologies to all the fans and readers.

One topic i've been dealing with lately is relationships. My own relationships, other peoples' relationships, blahblahblah. I've learned a lot on the topic lately, so here are some things I shall share with you.

Relationships take two to be successful, so remember to do your part. us guys are quite guilty at times of acting like we don't care, not doing the sweet little romantic things, i'm sure the dudes reading this have heard this at one time or another.

As a romantic relationship matures, people seem to fall into a routine of things. The little ga-ga things, that magic spark from the beginning months, has shaped itself into comfort, routine, and ultimately, takes away some of the spontaneity. This is where my first bit of advice begins.

You gotta remember to keep doing the little things in a relationship. You have to continue to be spontaneous, you have to keep writing those little love notes, surprising her with flowers, you have to keep showing her that you do love her, otherwise she may begin to think you don't care, which may very well not be the case, but as a note to the gentlemen, we all know that we are romantic but sometimes don't show it, so remember to keep showing it.

I, myself, was guilty of this exact thing, I learned from it and now my relationship with my girlfriend is stronger than ever. If you're reading this Jessica, i'm sorry, and i'm glad you gave me the chance to show you I do love and care for you very much, I love you honey :)

The second part of my relationship topic comes to trusting your instinct. My instincts have never failed me, not ONCE. When I feel something is wrong, something always has been wrong. Instinct exists with everyone, but a majority choose not to believe it, or push it to the side.

Your instinct can save you from some serious heartbreak, and it can many times work with you, not against you. If you feel from the get-go of a new relationship that things are not as they seem, or you don't feel comfortable, and you can not explain why you feel that way, listen to what your gut is telling you. Your body and mind are a lot more in-tune with things than you can even imagine, we are highly developed organisms with mind-blowing abilities, and this is one of them. So trust it once in a while.

The last part of my relationships topic is something I don't really understand, yet it happens all the time: Cheating.

I've only cheated once, yes I am guilty of it. It was about a year and a half ago, I found out an ex was cheating on me , so I drove to my other exes house and spent the night there. I felt like she had ruined the relationship already so I had no regard to her feelings anymore. Call me selfish, I call it getting even.

However, if you got problems that you think are occurring, be a man, step up and talk to her about it, because if you "love" her so much, you should be able to tell her anything, instead of going behind her back and messin' around.

PEACE.

Damn!

I get real tired of logging onto Facebook and reading all these posts and status updates regarding personal things, a.k.a. relationship issues/rants.

Quite honestly, if you're to the point where you are willing to share with complete strangers the fact that "he's a cheater and a player" or "she's a slut blah blah", your relationship needs some rethinking. BIGTIME.

I could give a shit less about your personal problems that you need Facebook's help to work out, that just shows a serious lack of motivation to make things better, and makes things quite obvious that you don't really care.

hm.

I'm still waiting to actually hear from a friend that I quit talking to just to see if she would really notice if I existed. I'm beginning to think I may never hear from her again.. I was a bit upset to find out that the only time within the last month and a half that i've heard from her, she only called because one of our mutual friends kept asking her how I was doing and suggested she call me, and she responded "Well I guess I could call him."

So much for best friends... or so i'm beginning to think...

you know, it's funny..

...how you can stop talking to a few people for a while just to see if they'll ask you how you are doing once in a while, and they never talk to you.

I chose to stop talking to a few people for a little while for reasons of my own, good reasons, and none of the people in question have acknowledged my existence. It's sad, sometimes they will even show up at the same place I am at, where they KNOW i'm at, and never come say hi to me.

Friends come and go, I suppose..

My weakness is, that I care too much.

Today was really one of those more negative days. Because I have this blog all planned out, i'm not going to talk about my day in detail, but rather some things that have been floating around in my head due to some occurrences today.

I decided not to write about one thing that happened today because i'm cooled off and don't feel like this is the place for it. So, that leaves me with a subject that I have plenty to say about, so i'll get to it.

I feel like there are a few people in my life who only choose to be around me when they NEED me, not just to hang out or talk or anything. There are "friends" that I have that will go weeks, sometimes even a month without talking to me or acknowledging I exist, then when they NEED something, they appear out of the black holes of the universe, talk to me, hang with me once, and they again vanish.

I'm so sick and fucking tired of this.

I'm not some resource to be used only when you need me, and if you choose to act this way towards me chances are I don't consider you a real friend. Harsh words? Too bad. To be totally honest i'm in a real DGAF (Don't give a fuck) attitude lately and this includes not giving a fuck about worrying about people that don't respond when I text them asking how they are or if they wanna hang out, or people who just hit me up once in a blue moon when they need something, or maybe they're looking for some mad sympathy because nobody else will give it to them and they know in the back of their head that "Hey, Ryan will be there for me!"

Pfft.

Maybe its my fault for being a NICE GUY, who the hell knows. I'm tired of this, as you can see, and i'm to the real point where I am done with this bullshit. You want me to consider you a true friend, prove it to me. It's not that hard..

Would you like some bitching with that whine?

If there's one thing I will never understand, it is society's ability (and need, it seems) to complain about the smallest, most insignificant things.

Today at work, a customer came in with his lifted, 4WD quad-cab pickup truck. I had remembered seeing him before, but only once in the 8 months I have been at my current job. Usually when people come into the area where he does, they get the interior cleaned, but when he drove up and exited the vehicle, having just come from the wash tunnel, he told us that he only wants the exterior of his truck towel-dried, and that's it. Cool.

I dry off the vehicle completely, and let him know it is ready. I should also tell you that his truck has custom wheels, and MOST vehicles that have custom wheels ask for "armor all", which is what we will call it, to shine their tires. Well, he also requested no armor all.

He comes out, and asks if I could polish his chrome tailpipes (like most trucks, his had twin pipes out the back). I said sure, and went ahead and did it.

He exclaims, not a second later "I want my wheels done better than that!"" Apparently, he wanted his wheels wiped off, something I wasn't planning on doing since he pretty much made it clear he didn't want his wheels touched.

I call a co-worker over and we wipe the water off his precious wheels, which mind you, were off-road rims and tires that I DOUBT had ever seen a speck of dirt, kind of a waste of money to lift a truck so obnoxiously high, throw on some big tires and robust wheels and just drive around on the street dont'cha think?

So ANYWAY, we do that, and I send this prick on his merry way. He stops the truck just as he is pulling out, backs up, parks, and gets out. He exclaims "Can someone do my inside windows please?"

........

Again, it goes back to two things here. One, I hadn't ever seen this guy and his truck but once before, and two, he had only wanted the outside done. Now normally, like I said, when a car pulls in we do the inside, wipe the dash and clean the windshield and all interior windows. He exclaims "Come on guys, I come in at least twice a week"..

...well, good for you! I haven't seen you but once before so it doesn't really matter how much you come in, I haven't seen you often, so I have no idea what exactly it is you want done to your truck, so you better be pretty damn specific and tell me, and NOT get fussy with me when everything you want doesn't get done because YOU lack proper communication.

F%@*!

Far later in the day, my fiance and I decided we were hungry, so we went to grab some food. We ended up at a buffet-style restaurant because we were both super hungry :) Whilst dining, we overheard an older lady complaining about how they didn't have cottage cheese and she wanted to speak with the manager...

*facepalm*

You serious? There are people in this world who don't eat because they have no food, and YOU have the audacity to complain about, of all things, cottage fucking cheese? Jesus christ on a pogo stick.

I lost a slight bit of faith for humanity every time I encounter people like the above-mentioned in life.

But, not to be cliche, THAT'S LIFE.

Family (?)

If certain people come across this blog, it is bound to create a stir. But, here's the thing about that..

..I don't care. I write to vent my frustrations, don't read it if you don't like it.

I've come to realize that no matter how much you promise to "stand by family, thick and thin", that there are circumstances where that becomes such a blatant lie. Maybe it becomes a lie on your part, maybe on the other member's part, or maybe a combination of both. What I do know, is that within the last 10 months or so, things have become so topsy-turvy with one side of my family, that I refuse to believe that I even know them anymore.

How are you going to favor someone who isn't "blood family" we'll call them, over someone who is? Yeah, she was his wife, but I am his SON, his OWN flesh and blood, and you refuse to let me talk or even ASK me what's going on. You really think that the grandson/nephew/what have you that you've watched grow from a baby to a grown man, would distance himself at such a great length for no reason? Obviously, you don't know me at all, and I don't know you, either.

Cliff notes thus far, for those who don't know the deal:
My father died last year, left behind me, my brother and his wife. His wife creates confusion between us, says some not-so-nice things, my brother leaves for college and I don't visit her because of what she has said/done. My family chooses her side (again, over their own flesh and blood), never asks me why I don't visit or what is wrong. I get the accurate (as far as I can tell, and i'm no idiot) impression that that side of the family (save for a few wonderful cousins of mine <3) no longer favors me, or wants anything to do with me.

I caution any of the members of the family who may have come across this, you're about to hear the truth from me, it may hurt, but I hope maybe you'll understand a few things, because you're not gonna listen to me anyway, I feel.

I never went out and visited any of you, or took vacation with dad or his wife to see you, because my brother and I never even knew about them. Never were invited, nothing. He chose to exclude us from most things in his life, the only times we ever got a call from him were if grandpa and grandma were coming up to visit. Our birthdays? We called. Christmas? Thanksgiving? ANY other holidays? WE CALLED.

Hell, even just to say hello, we had to call him, he never called us out of the blue to see how we were. Have you ever forgotten your son's birthday before? Has your father ever forgotten your birthday? Do you know how that feels? Because I do.

I'm tired of being the quiet one who never stands up and says what is on his mind, that part of me is gone, like it or not, I, in my current "stand up for myself" state, am here to stay.

/rant.

You might as well know some general things about me, so here goes. I live in a medium sized city in the state known for hot dish, friendly faces and it's northernmost location (Minnesota, of course). I don't particularly like it here, it is my home but the climate is temperamental, the people really aren't my type, blah blah. My mom's side of the family resides in New England, my father's as well, in addition to parts of the South. I like New England a lot more, but hey, Minnesota has it's good attributes as well...

I met the girl of my dreams here (as well as a few that I dream I hadn't met), she is truly the other half of me. You know when you've found that person, the one who refuses to leave your mind, and, given the chance, you wouldn't let them anyway.. THAT kind of person. I love her with all my heart and soul, and I wouldn't change anything about her for anything in the world. Not even my dream car :)

Which brings me to my next little tidbit about me: I love cars. I eat, breathe and sleep them. I know so much about them that I feel like my head is going to explode, and car parts are going to come flying out of it. I went to school for Automotive Mechanics, and got my degree last May. I am particular to Hondas and most imports, but I also love other types of cars, my saying is..

"The true enthusiast appreciates the good things about every aspect of his interest or hobby, and doesn't judge based on what is popular or accepted by most others."

I also enjoy music, quite a bit in fact. I am 100 percent eclectic, I listen to a bit of everything. A few of my favorite groups and/or bands throughout the years have been (in no particular order):

Kottonmouth Kings, Green Day, AFI, HIM, Zac Brown Band, Incubus, Hoobastank, Blink 182, Rascal Flatts, Goo Goo Dolls, and NIN.

I would love to go on but i'm losing inspiration to write anymore right now, when that happens I just kind of ramble on about useless things, so I leave you with this for now, i'll be back sometime later on, until then..

welcome, you're in for a ride...

This is the outlet for my emotions, my thoughts and whatever else comes along. An escape, if you will, the kind that nothing else short of writing can provide. Actually, I take that back, there are other escapes, but I decided to provide you, the audience, a peek inside my mind, a chance to understand Instability. Take a seat, buckle in, and understand these following things:

-I'm a thrillseeker, yet reserved in my appearance and actions.
-I write to vent, whatever comes into my head, exits through my fingers.

Don't expect the same thing day after day, just sit back and let your mind run free as I let my words tell the story.

-R